I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
