Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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