If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want nice things and good sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
