the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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