This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
