i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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