Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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