So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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