is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
