Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
