It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
