Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
