you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
