God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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