I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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