you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Barsexuality is the new black.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
