I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
