Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
