trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
