dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
