he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize