I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
