I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
