I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
