Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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