Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
