It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
