We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
