yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
