So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
