Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
