You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
