I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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