There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
