your parents love me but you hate me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
