i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
