Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
