i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
