I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
