apparently the secret to your success is patron
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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