I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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