Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
