I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
