Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
