Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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