We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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