you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
