Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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