Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
