So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
