You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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