Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
