UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
