dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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