Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
