Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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