Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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