margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
