I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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