and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
