Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
