All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
