Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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