Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
