Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
