Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All the doctor said was why
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
