I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
