someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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