Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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