so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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